Modern software development methodologies of dumbs and crooks

04 April, 2011

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Software development methodologies of dumbs and crooks- Presentation Transcript

  1. Missing lessons from text book
    • Theory in text books is mostly happy scenarios
    • Reality is often far from theory
    • Not all are professional
    • Not all are smart
    • Not all are honest
    • Its time to be knowledgeable and eliminate those incompetent and crooks out of industry
  2. The strategy
     >> Identify It
     >>  Name it
     >>  Eliminate it
    “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
    and I'm not sure about the former.”
    - Albert Einstein
  3. The Dumb & Crook Methodologies in Practice
    • Development by Crisis (DBC)
    • Everything is a Crisis.
    • Every task, you have to “Drop everything” and work all night long!
    • Everything is a disaster.
    • Not Allowed To Do Development (NADD)
    • Managers can be heroes in the meetings and not in development, so they like to keep on talking in meetings eating up valuable time of developers.
    • Then they will expect developers to stay late to do coding!
    Dumb methodologies
    • Budget Driven Development (BDD)
    • The time that a project will take is dictated by how much the client will pay, instead of how long it will take to develop the application.
    • Generally leading to massively over-budget projects and exhausted developers.
    • Axxhole Driven Development (ADD)
    • All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Axxhole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best.
    • There may be rules and processes, but Mr. Axxholebreaks them and people follow anyway.
    • In worst case Mr. Axxhole might be a completely non technical person who has positional power (i.e. Boss).
    • Client Wants It Anyway (CWI)
    • No matter how inane or unusable, just because the marketing teams wants it then it has to be in there.
    • Usually an over-budget, non-specified that will never be paid for.
    • Completely Redundant Application Process (CRAP)
    • You create the same application someone in your company, division, department, or cubicle has already created.
    • But you either (A) want to write your own, or (B) had no idea someone else had done it.
    • Just One More Feature Outside Schedule (JOMFOS)
    • Regardless how tight the schedule, or how late the project – JOMFOS product managers can always find something strategic and groundbreaking that not only breaks the current design, but also has to be squeezed in before the unmoving release date.
    • Document Driven Development (DDD)
    • Copious amounts of inaccurate, verbose and unnecessary documentation are prepared and maintained as if they somehow embody everything that needs to be done in the software.
    Dumb methodologies
    • Next Shiny Thing Development (NSTD)
    • When your development focus changes every time your boss comes back from a tech conference.
    • Everything is High Priority (EHP)
    • Management comes and tell you that something is required ASAP and next day something else is required ASAP – in the end nothing gets done!
    • IWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was Somewhere Else)
    • When two or more of the previous methodologies are in effect the guys that really have a clue often get intoIWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was Somewhere Else) which produces some of the most unmotivated code in existence
    The Result is……………..
  4. Its time to kick these unprofessional / incompetent project management practices out of software industry
    Let’s eliminate it !
    IT industry is for smart people doing smart things in smart ways..
    Let’s not dumb, crook and vicious people spoil the industry !

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